December 2010
35 posts
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Walmart: Vindicated
I just remembered this story. It was one of my first days, everything was still bright and new, and woman on her cell phone walked up. She was obviously very angry. Hands shaking, voice harsh, hair frazzled. Before I could even say “Hi, how are you today?” She yelled, angrily and sarcastically, “Ugh SO HAPPY TO BE HERE!” I did not ask her how she was! Instead I said...
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Hot Hot Heat
“I’ve given up on social niceties
I threw ‘em out when I threw out your keys
Along with all your records I can’t stand
You never even listened to anyone of them.
You’re never going to drag me out again
With all those people who were never ever even your friends
So here it is, your final lulluby.
Goodnight, Goodnight
You’re embarrassing me, you’re...
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My Favorite Inventions
1. The Toilet. — I don’t mean to be gross or anything, but such a great invention!
2. Floss/Scope — A clean mouth is a happy mouth.
3. Electric tooth brushes — They seriously cut the work in half! And if you love candy as much as me you need a fully stocked arsenal of only the best teeth cleaning supplies!
4. Men — Jesus did some good thinking there. I don’t...
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Man Qualifications; You've Been Found Wanting
A “man” this week was giving me a bunch of crap because he didn’t like my Walmart posts. (My immediate thoughts? “Kiss mine puss n boots. I don’t give a crap about your precious feelings!” However, I refrained.) I asked him what was so offensive in a FB message as he had been arguing with me on my status (totally pnwed him btw) and I started to feel like that...
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Walmart: Eye Patches
A couple came into the store with a small basket of items. I rang them up and it came to about $100 dollars. The wife was shocked. “$100?? Seriously?” I repeated the total politely. She looked at her husband and said “Do you REALLY need the eye patch?” Her husband, whose eyes both worked just fine, looked at her, stone faced. He put his hands in his pockets and just...
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British People Are... Smart?
Why, in all American movies, do kings and queens always speak with british accents even if they’re not British…
In moves like Kingdom of Heaven and Prince of Persia, that CLEARLY take place in the Middle East, their royalty is British lol
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I Swore. I Used A Sworeward.
I rarely ever swear, but I swore a few times around my little sister, cause she swears all ze time and I figured it would be ok.
She eventually looked up at me and said “Don’t use those words.”
I was like “Swear words?”
And she was like “Yeah, one of us has to be good and that was you.”
HAHAHAHAH There goes my swearing career!
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Fantastic Meatloaf
Is a fantastic name!
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Walmart: The Horror!!
I saw a woman in walmart who was, no shocker, very overweight. She came through my aisle, bought a few things than walked away. I dang-near threw up! She was literally the same on the front as in the back!! WHAT THE HECK! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!??
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Mario
“Baby I just don’t get it.
Do you ENJOY being hurt?
—
You don’t believe his stories
You know that they’re all lies
Bad as you are, you stick around, and I just don’t know why.”
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Pomplamoose
“If you think you need some money well honey that’s just funny I got none
And if you just want conversation go somewhere in the nation not my house
If you think you need a shrink; you’re draining down the sink well go take a hike
And if you think you need a fix don’t put me in the mix just stick to wine
Cause if you think you need some money well you can’t have...
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Watchmen Trailer →
Movie was horrible, but I still watch the trailer every now and then because ITS AMAZING.
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Ok Maybe I Am A Woman...
A man at Walmart pulled a chair from Office Supplies over to Electronics and started watching Despicable Me on the television while talking on his cell phone.
“Yeah, dude, I’m just at Walmart” -I walk in front of him- “and a gorgeous woman just walked by! Goddamn!”
I panicked. So I just kept walking.
I appreciate being called gorgeous I suppose and shouldn’t...
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Walmart Kids: Put That In Your Mouth And Chew...
All of Walmart’s tobacco products are sold from one register so that people who don’t want to be around it don’t have to use that aisle. We call it The Box because its surrounded by the tobacco shelves. I was working The Box one day when a man comes up and buys a pack of chew. GROSS. I understand smoking, because I honestly think it looks cool ON SOME PEOPLE, and has an element of BAness. (I still...
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Walmart Kids: Young Spice
A young boy and his father came up to my register. The boy was probably 5 and the cutest thing ever! Blond hair, blue eyes, the works! He looked up at me as I rang up his father’s items and said “So you makin a lot of money these days?” I laughed so hard and replied “I suppose I am.” The boy remained composed, sippy cup in hand, leaning Old Spice Commercial style on the rack of plastic and...
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Walmart Kids: Who Needs Parents?
A young Mexican boy walked up to my register alone. He was probably about 9 or 10. He put a bunch of Gatorade on the counter and some soda and candy. Then pulls out his mom’s food stamps card and pays with that! He punched in the pin and everything so I guess he had permission… It was cute.
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Walmart Kids: Attack of The Clones
I was handing out candy for Halloween when all of a sudden 5 IDENTICAL ginger kids, boys and girls, different sizes but the same face and hair all swarmed my register and demanded candy! In a flurry and panic I gave of them a piece in efforts to fend them off. This is why I don’t celebrate Halloween.
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Walmart Kids: Jr. High Sex = Thumbs Down.
A girl who looked like she was 12-14 years old walked up to my register with her skanky friend and tossed a box of condoms on my counter. {Dear God, PLEASE let thing ring up with an age requirement} I thought, but no, it just gave a price. Later that day in Walgreens I ran into her again. AWKWARD….
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Walmart Kids: Drunk Ten Year Olds!? I'm There!!
Three 10 year old local boys walked up to my register and started tossing candy and 2 liters up on the counter. I smiled and greeted them and began to ring up their junk food. I reached for the only non-edible item. It was multi-colored, plastic shot glasses. I was confused because, as I said before, these were three 10 year old boys. I rang them up, but didn’t bag them. I rang everything else up...
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Walmart Kids: I'm The Bestest!
I was stone-faced, zoned out at my register when I hear “Where’s Alexandra!?” I look up and see a man and a toddler I’ve never seen before in my life. “THERE!!!” Yells the toddler laughing and pointing at me! I smile and laugh and wave at them. They waved back and me then left and the woman who rang them up came over to me and said “That kid kept telling me how you’re his favorite cashier!” Good...
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I Make A Terrible Woman
A man at Walmart came up to my aisle with a bunch of rotting bananas. I am required to discount them. He informed me that he was buying the gross ones so that he could make Banana Bread; he then asked me if I knew the recipe. I told him I didn’t know. He replied this, and I quote “Oh really? That surprises me… because you’re a woman.”
Look at that! I can’t make...